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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News Senator Kennedy Offers to Plug at Least One Hole in the New Orleans Levee September 9, 2005 Shocked by the widespread suffering of those displaced from their homes by the flooding in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) offered to plug one of the holes in the Lake Pontchartrain levee with his own ample body. “The Bush Administration has failed to stem the tide of this cataclysm,” said Kennedy. “I have had some experience with aquatic mishaps. This experience will bolster me in this hour of desperation as I plug one of the leaks myself.” Kennedy has arranged to have the Air Force transport him by helicopter and lower him into the easternmost breach in the levee. The hope is that the senator’s doughy frame will be pliable enough to conform to the hole’s dimensions and halt or, at least slow, the flow of water from the lake into the city. President Bush praised Senator Kennedy’s decision. “I think it’s mighty big of him to offer so much for the good of the country,” said Bush. “There aren’t many who could fill such a large role in this disaster.” Not everyone favors restoring the levee. Both Disney and Turner Communications expressed interest in turning New Orleans into a giant theme park. Disney has drawn up preliminary plans for an attraction it has tentatively labeled “Disasterland.” Tourists could purchase helicopter rides to view the carnage, loot stores and fish souvenirs out of the muck. Turner plans similar tourist activities, but calls its attraction “Underwater World.” Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco is reportedly considering these proposals. In other news, Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro has also offered aid. “The Cuban people know how to build boats out of any scrap material,” said Castro. “There are already more than a million volunteers who want to go to America and teach the flood victims this skill.” |
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